There is no such thing as constructive criticism. Criticism always hurts, and it most likely will raise a defensive response from the one being criticized. So how do you communicate to your partner that something they are doing is annoying you, or making you feel unloved?
Well, actually it is very simple. According to marriage specialist Dr. John Gottman , instead of judging your partner's behavior by pointing out what they are not doing, it is much more effective to use I statements to communicate your feelings sincerely.
For instance, instead of saying "Why don't you ever call me during the day to check up on me?", which will possibly induce your partner to respond with a defense such as, "Come on, I am too busy at work for that", approach your communication with an I statement that will not be judgmental and will provoke a totally different (favorable) reaction from your partner.
What could you say to express the same feeling? You might say something like "Honey, I love it when you call me during the day", or "I love it when you put the toilet seat down", or "I really appreciate it when we spend some time together".
All of these examples express your feelings without criticism, and most likely your partner will feel good with your comment and will repeat those appreciated behaviors.
Try it and see for yourself how it works!
